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Green Velvet Lariats in the Rodeo of my Mind

Howdy Folks,

Johnny here with another roundup from The Retailers’ universe.

 The Can Can was a mighty fine venue. After throwing our final western spaghetti noodle at the proverbial “wall”, yers truly and The Retailers were met with roars of applause and shouts. Heck, even the members of the audience whom we didn’t buy cocktails for managed to clap and nod in our general direction.

“Candy Bar Loans” Howard was representing the bottom line on the bass nicely, and old Jimmy managed to scare up some business. He wrote a snappy lyric or two on a napkin and was hellbent to get started on his R&B act “LoveStyles”. We’ll see if he can stay away from the car lot long enough to get that rolling, but I tell you what: he’s our very own Neil Diamond.

Jimmy “Rhinestones”, as I like to call him.

Crimewave tore through their rockin’ set. I enjoy the new music as much as the next wrangler, and these guys are right on the cutting edge. Elephant rider brought the house down with a rollicking post-punk version of Proud Mary. Hats off to Kevin and the boys.

The lights were dancing pretty though, due to those fancy green martinis that tasted like licorice. I got a little too friendly with the lady friend of a one-eyed Serbian, and spent the better part of an hour trying to talk my way out of being given a “Kosovo Necktie” or whatever he called it.

It all worked out, though, and he ended up buying a Retailers cowgirl hat for his missus and promised to pester his clubowner brother in Belgrade to book us for this summer’s “Burlesque Slavia Fest”. 

Happy Trails!

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